Spring 2010

It's 26 as I sit here, expected to be 29 here tomorrow, hottest place in France, "temperature estivale" as the weather woman puts it. But, it's going to break on Friday, and stay broken for a week or more. Suits me as I'm about to plant out marigolds, and go on holidays.

I'm still struggling with the garden, and the 4-week drought doesn't make it any easier, nor the fact that I injured my left elbow removing a headrest, resulting in "golfer's elbow" in someone who detests golf!

Yesterday, for the first time in a month, I went out on my bike to try out the partly-healed elbow. As I exited the town, I noticed, to my astonishment, two men carrying a cow along the side of a field. Strong men, the French, I thought, or very light cows. On closer observation, it was, of course, a replica, fabriqué en plastique, but looking, for all the world, like a Friesian. They make them right there, along with garden sheds etc. Didn't we have a herd (troupeau?) of these in Dublin a few years ago, before the graffiti merchants put paid to the experiment? Didn't they write something on one in Phoenix Park about it being better looking than the vache who was president at the time, Mary Robinson?? Am I making all this up?

Easter is big stuff in France. I go to church an odd time, and, usually, it's not difficult to find a seat. But, on Palm Sunday, or on Easter Sunday, unless you arrive a half hour early, no seats will be available. They all turn out, and they dress up like it was midnight Mass at Christmas in Ireland. Also, on Palm Sunday, they bring half the garden to church. None of your cypress rubbish, but enormous lumps of various kinds of shrubbery. The main one seems to be a version of privet, but, the "official party" carried date palm fronds ten feet high. In every town in France, as you enter it, there is a blue sign telling you what time Sunday Masses are at. (This is despite the fact that the church was one of the targets of the Revolution, and has, since then, been treated badly by the state). The only exception that I have ever seen is Bergerac. As you enter Bergerac from the Bordeaux side, there is a blue sign saying "Culte Protestante, 10:30 Place Cayla". This is protestant territory. (Imagine calling it a cult?!). The 100 years war featured strongly in this region, followed by the wars of religion, with many "events" between protestants and catholics, the outcome often determined by who was in charge in England, and the throne also rotated between the two "cults". There are many landmarks to this era, including the covered market, which was built on the ruins of a protestant church which the English forces destroyed. There is , also, at the south side of the older bridge in Bergerac, the foundations of a drawbridge, which the catholics used to pull up, to stop their north-side based protestants from crossing to murder them. I now live, in perfect safety and harmony, on the north side of the Dordogne!

One of the features of the church here is the music, which is terrible. And, to make sure you get full value, there is always a person at a microphone to direct affairs. It's usually a woman, and a few tough-looking cookies occupy this position, but, for Easter, a bald man was recruited. He arrived in jeans and shirt-sleeves, and set about it like a day's work. It took me a while to realise that he was the image of Christy Ring. (Cloyne? Cork? Hurling??). And, the little old prêtre was a cross between Willy Nelson and Padre Pio, with a funny little Jewish-looking skullcap. It takes all kinds, and we have most of them in Bergerac.

I need  haircut before my trip to Dublin. Should I ring NAMA?? How about a pension "top-up"? Only asking.

There's a big row here at the moment about polygamy. They've discovered a man, a muslim naturally, living in Nantes, with four wives and twelve children. What bothers the French most about this, is that he lives, in his two houses, entirely at the state's expense, and has never worked a day in his life. He gets "l'alloc" (short for "allocations familiales"), pretty much seen as a government premium for having twelve "gosses". And, by coincidence, they've just banned the "voile intégral" or burqua, in public, which makes all women look more or less the same. So, as long as only one wife "appears" at a time, nobody can tell that you have more than one! Anyone appearing with a covered-up face now faces an on-the-spot fine of 22 euro, the same as the amount that you pay to see a GP! (Except they've just increased that to 23!). So, he can't hide them away any more. Anyhow, the "victim" of this witch-hunt, who does not appear to be telling the whole truth, is called Monsieur Lies! It's like an april fool story. Some of the muslims interviewed wanted to know what was the difference between having a few wives and the other French custom (which I'm considering) of having a mistress or two!! C'est la vie!

Today, farmers are driving 1600 tractors into the centre of Paris to protest against low prices for their products. there are threats that they will dump "fumier" (a nice word for "dung") there, but no sign of that so far.

But, the vineyards are looking better, with a few leaves on each plant, and blossoms on the apple orchards. Summer flowers are in blooming in the garden, so things are looking up. Figs are formed on the figuier, and I might even get a few nectarines.